Monday, April 22, 2013

The Lords of Salem

My friend Nafa called me on Saturday and gave me a one word review of this film.

He said: "Kinetic."

I really don't know what to say about The Lords of Salem other than I highly recommend it because I don't want to spoil ANYTHING. Horror fans, if it's playing in your city, check it the fuck out. I think missing this one on the big screen would be a big mistake. Yesterday morning, at the theater, Rob Zombie raped my senses for 101 minutes and I left wanting more. I have been a Rob Zombie fan since Halloween II bashed my face in back in '09 and I had high hopes for this film. This film is a cross between Dario Argento's Inferno, Juan López Moctezuma's Alucarda, The Sentinel (1977), and a Windows 95 screensaver.

This film feels like a companion piece to Ti West's The House of the Devil but it goes way, way out of its way to get under your skin. One thing that Rob Zombie does is try too hard and I appreciate that. Everyone should do that. My best friend Scott once brewed a pot of coffee using caffeinated water instead of normal water. God knows that turned out well. I also noticed a big visual reference to Fulci and some dream logic that would have made The Godfather of Gore and Argento scratch their heads.

I wanted something that wasn't a remake and I got it. I wanted something that wasn't "found footage" and I got it. I wanted something smart, crazy, over-the-top, nauseatingly sexy, and blasphemous. Okay, maybe blasphemy wasn't really that high on my list but I sure as shit got more than I knew what to do with. Like I was saying, RZ always tries too hard and he bends over backwards to offend (as the directors of many a possession/Satanic-themed horror tale have done in the past) devout sensibilities. If you're easily offended by the site of Sheri Moon Zombie's butt then avoid this at all costs.

(This is where it happened.)

It is still hard for me to believe that "select cities" meant Tampa and it also meant, my theater: AMC Veterans 24 out on Anderson Road. It was an overcast and muggy day (unlike the above photo) and it was nice to sit in the cool darkness with Rob Zombie's feverish brain. Hopefully, The Lords of Salem will go nationwide so my homey Brad can go see it. Veterans 24 is an interesting theater. It has the feel of the theaters of my youth but also has the impossible danger of being in the flight path of Tampa International Airport which is disturbingly nearby. Yikes. Thanks to the Final Destination movies, I have some terrible scenarios in my head every time I watch a film there.


  1. I just watched the UK DVD and fucking LOVED it! I more and more think of RZ's films, or rather their evaluation by others as one of those "dealbreaker" situations. It's not that one has to love them like I do, but if you're one of those horror fans that absolutely despises them I just cannot take you or your judgments seriously. It's like you (Richard) used to ask: WHAT MORE do you expect from a horror film? Sure there might be some flaws. I was disappointed that the two male characters were of so little consequence to the plot, but it's not like that ruined the film for me. I read your review before I saw the film and can now wholeheartedly agree. And I could easily watch Sheri Moon's ass for another couple of hours.


  2. @MLP - Glad to hear it, duder! Brad and I are thinking of doing a short episode on Lords Of Salem and we'll be reading your comment.