Friday, June 12, 2009

Joe Bob Briggs Goes to the Drive-In

We are drive-in mutants.
We are not like other people.
We are sick.
We believe in blood,
In breasts,
And in beasts.
We believe in Kung Fu City.
If life had a vomit meter,
We'd be off the scale.
As long as one single drive-in
Remains on the planet Earth,
We will party like jungle animals,
We will boogie till we puke.
Heads will roll.
The drive-in will never die.

"The Drive-In Oath" by Joe Bob Briggs (page 314)

Though it has what is probably the ugliest cover in my entire book collection, I cannot show enough love for Joe Bob Goes to the Drive-In. This collection of Joe Bob Briggs' (real name: John Bloom) best drive-in movie reviews from his syndicated column in the early to mid 1980s is fun as hell to read and provides a marvelous snapshot of the ridiculous films available to the drive-in crowds back in the day.

The author's knack for satire is amazing as he skewers pop culture and especially political correctness by reveling in his backwards redneck persona. Prepare to laugh and be shocked by some of the wildly offensive things Briggs was able to get away with until he got fired from the Dallas Times Herald. He documents his termination from the paper as being killed and draws parallels to the JFK assassination.

As a moviethoner, I can't help but feel inspired by the insane dedication Briggs has for his beloved drive-in theaters. Damn it, that cover really is pretty awful. I think the concept of John Bloom standing on the cover with his alter ego is probably the lamest idea ever thought up by any human being ever. Okay, maybe it's not that bad. Used copies of Joe Bob Briggs Goes to the Drive-In and its sequel, Joe Bob Goes Back to the Drive-In, are available for next to nothing on Amazon. Richard of Doomed Moviethon says check it out.


  1. Man. There's no one else like Joe Bob. Just watched his commentary on Hell High. Funny and filled with info.

  2. I absolutely love this book! I bought it when it first came out and so much wanted my folks to get The Movie Channel so I could watch Joe Bob's Drive In Theater that they had on the weekends.

    That book is really funny and chauvinist as all hell. I seem to remember lots of talk about a girlfriend named Wanda Bodine (?) and new seat covers, lol. I need to get me another copy as the one I have/had has seen better days. Best nostalgia post right here, Rich!

  3. @venoms5 - Dang it, duder. You brought a tear to my eye. It's not very manly to admit to such things but hell, it's better than a tear from some other orifice. Thank you kindly.