Thursday, May 21, 2015

Two New Episodes

Hello! I've been a tad busy. Too busy for bloggin'? Lame! Well, it's true I'm a lame-o. Here are the two most recent episodes of the podcast, hope you like 'em!

First up, Brad and I talk about our favorite horror films from the 1960s AND we rank Roger Corman's Edgar Allan Poe films. That's the hotness.

In the newest episode, Jeffrey and I tackle one of the strangest Italian horror films ever made. What was Luigi Cozzi thinking? What was Dario Argento thinking? What was anyone thinking?

Check out the new 'sodes (that's short for episodes) RIGHT HERE.

Want more Brad? I know I do.

How about more Jeffrey? I'm into that too.

Friday, May 1, 2015

Giallo Meltdown: A Moviethon Diary (Book Update)

Well gang, the book, Giallo Meltdown: A Moviethon Diary, isn't done yet. But holy crap, it is VERY close. I am now editing the last chapter and I'm in talks with my book jacket designer (AKA my wife) about the cover art. So the tingly sensation of a nearly finished project is racing through my fingertips as I type this blog post. So the book is 13 chapters and is clocking in over 260 pages of giallo goodness. I am very excited -okay, to be perfectly honest- I AM F**KING STOKED!!! I'll be back when it's done. Take care, friends.

Go join the Giallo Meltdown Facebook group! Tell your pals about it!

Monday, April 13, 2015

GYROJETS - "Hooves"

Here is the new video from my band, GYROJETS. I wrote a song about Bronies and somehow turned it into a horror movie. Enjoy!

Monday, April 6, 2015

H!TITDS - Episode #69 - Silent Scream

I know you were wondering when we'd finally get to Silent Scream! Well, we finally did! Brad and I discuss the film and then there's a great Question Time! This is quite possibly an episode of Hello! This is the Doomed Show. Listen and repeat!

Listen right here!

Here's the show in iTunes!

And the ever popular archives!

Friday, April 3, 2015

Get Your Monster! On

Well, holy crap and yowza! My article on Forever Evil is in the new issue of Monster! I am VERY EXCITED with bouts of CELEBRATORY SCREECHING! You should check out Monster! magazine and especially issue #15 which features me and a couple of my pals, Jose Cruz and Troy Howarth.

Get Monster! #15!

And check out their evil sister mag, Weng's Chop!

Monday, March 30, 2015

H!TITDS - #68 - The Wicker Man (2006)

Despite our better judgment, Nafa and I discuss the remake of that classic horror film, The Wicker Man. Nicolas Cage is a mad genius or perhaps he's just Edward MALE-US. I don't know. Enjoy the damn show! I guarantee you that we had a lot of fun discussing this friggin' movie.

Listen here.

Check out the archives.

Friday, March 6, 2015

Franco Friday #59 - The Hot Nights of Linda

My fabled website, Doomed Moviethon, has turned 10 years old and I’m celebrating right here, right now on Cinema Somnambulist by... REVIEWING ANOTHER JESS FRANCO FILM! It’s been over 5 months since the last one so yeah, I guess I’m long overdue. I still can’t believe I used to do the Franco Friday thing every week. Dang, I miss being that inspired and prolific. It’s not easy being sleepy (or sleazy).

The Hot Nights of Linda
AKA Les nuits brûlantes de Linda
Directed by Jess Franco
Starring Alice Arno, Paul Muller, Lina Romay, Verónica Llimera, Monica Swinn, Pierre Taylou
81 minutes

Alice Arno plays Marie-France Bertrand, a nurse looking for work. The scumbag dude at the employment agency (Raymond Hardy) gets her a job working for the Raddick family as a teacher or something. After walking back to her apartment, she reads a book that sounds just like the plot of this movie and then she falls asleep. The next day, Marie-France goes to the family's villa and meets Abdul (Pierre Taylou), a mute servant, who takes her to meet Mr. Paul Raddick (played by Paul Muller). Paul tells her about his two daughters, Lina (Verónica Llimera) and Olivia (Lina Romay). According to him, Linda is paralyzed and needs special care and Olivia is obsessed with sex.


Meanwhile, the employment agent that got Marie-Franco the job in the first place and his photojournalist pal (played by Catherine Lafferière) are holed up in a nearby house, both having been paid by the police to spy on the Raddick family. Why would the police be involved? It turns out that Paul is obsessed with his dead wife Lorna (Monica Swinn) and has a locked room that he goes to in order to talk to the bed where he murdered her and her lover on years ago. Obsessed with not only sex but also with murder, Olivia goes on a violent rampage to get revenge for what happened to Lorna and no one is safe. Oh shizzle! It turns out everything was just a dream. Taking this as an omen, Marie-France decides to not accept her job, working for the Raddick family.


Much like Jess Franco's Sinner: Diary of a Nymphomaniac, this movie is just insanely sad, especially for Linda who is just so friggin' pathetic. When Lina Romay's character takes advantage of her, I actually winced with disgust at the cruelty onscreen. Romay appears playfully mean at first but then she just devolves into an evil jerk. I loved it! Don't let the banana eating and the champagne glass licking fool you, this bitch means business. Even Paul Muller's character, who is very cruel, is someone you can actually sympathize with on some level.

With atmospheric weirdness as the focus, the perfectly sleepy plot just drops out of the race almost immediately. I only threw up the spoiler tags because this movie lulled me into a state of ethereal ennui and then I was honestly thrown for a loop in the last twenty minutes or so. That probably won't happen to you. Once the opening credits -with gorgeous music by composer Daniel White- played over a gloomy day in Paris as Alice Arno walked to her apartment, I just drifted.

Jess Franco drops you into this film right in the middle of a scene and thanks to the English dubbing, it is both mystifying and funny. There is also a great amount of post-synced dubbing. So many lines of dialog are playing while no one's lips are moving that I was just hypnotized. Alice Arno has a lot of dialog in the English version that she says telepathically. She's a talented mutant.

The plot is very dreamlike, slow, and convoluted but this is nothing new for Franco. If you're a fan of his work from this period then you'll be all over this one. The characters are, for the most part, well thought out, and the actors are all capable enough to make this erotically drowsy and perilously ridiculous crap interesting. A tragedy in the past plays itself out over and over again for Paul and Olivia. There's even some comic relief characters!

Okay, I admit it. I was avoiding this film because of its title. It sounds like a porno and that cover art with Lina Romay lasciviously eating a banana (a cover art promise is actually fulfilled!) just made me assume that I wouldn't enjoy this film. Lucky for me, The Hot Nights of Linda was made during an amazing period of Franco's work. Who would have ever guessed that even in 1975, he was still interested in making movies that were perverse without relying on endless shots of genitals? Is anyone surprised that there’s a hardcore version of this film out there? No? I should hope not! Yeah, I didn't watch that cut. So I guess I learned a lesson here: Always judge a book by its cover!

“I can’t stand people that snore and you look the snoring type.”